~Little~

So many things on my mind tonight...

Don't really know where to start.

Emotional.

Hurt.

Blessed.

Loved.

Conflicted.

(Pouring another glass)

May not even post this one...

Whatever.

Doing alot of soul searching the past few weeks.  Realizing, reluctantly, that "friends" are not all that they are cracked up to be.

"Sisters" DO exist... (even if they didn't come from my mom and dad) and I am exTREMEly grateful for the four that I have, and I KNOW that they are my saving grace. (You know who you are!)

Disappointments happen daily, and I need to learn to accept them, and move forward.

Hurts need to be forgiven and left alone... as they are scars that will make me the stronger woman that I continue to strive to be.

Pain and betrayal suck ass.

Life is absolutely a blessing!

I wish that I could say some of the things that on my mind, to certain people... face to face. I want, so much, to see their reactions to my queries and frustrations.  I want to understand their methods... their reasoning... their excuse for cutting me so deeply.  But instead... I sit. I cry. I fester. I try to empathize. I struggle to move forward. I internalize...  I try to smile...

No one... absolutely NO ONE... is perfect.  Everyone has flaws... and GOD KNOWS... I have plenty.  But I don't feel that I have EVER tried to make anyone feel less than good... out of God's reach... out of Love's domain.  Why would anyone want to make me feel this way?  I am a HUGE believer in Karma.  Is this really what I have coming to me??? What the HELL did I do.

Oh shit... Pity Pot... Get the Fuck off it, Jess!!!

I know who I am. I know what I am. I am certain that I am a good person, with good morals and values, (thank you Mom and Dad) and do my best to be kind to my fellow man, and try to bring blessings to anyone I come across on my path...

I have NO DOUBT that I am a good mama.  I love my children and I know my children love me.

I AM ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that my husband loves me, and that he feels the same way that I do about our love.  WE ARE SOUL MATES.  Period.

I have my flaws. I acknowlege them and accept them.  I try to work on them daily.

I am a creature of God and am worthy of his grace and love.

I am a woman... and therefore am a bit..  well... crazy.

All these things... all these thoughts...

They make me feel a little...well...

Little.

A little lonely.

A little depressed.

A little stronger.

A little braver. (especially since I'm putting this all "out there"...)

A little more in touch with everyone else on Earth, riding this rollercoaster that we call life.

To drive to the point... well...

So much on my mind tonight... I don't even know where to start...

Blessed Be.

J